I do not. Unless two jobs and not enough time to write is a girlfriend, and in that case I’m seriously thinking of breaking up with her. So still no.

I’m gonna be
The crazy walking person
That everybody sees.
While they’re drivin to their destination
He’ll be on his feets.
You’ll see him everyday,
Then won’t see him for a week.
You’ll wonder to yourself
“Did he finally have his last tweak?”
But then he’ll reappear.
A subconscious satisfaction.
And normalcy graces your day
A smile may chance your face
As you glance at your rear view
All while you drive away. 

I take dark showers,
And open door shits.
I like to let my mind wander,
While my ass cheeks split.
A shut door is so confining,
Not to mention the light;
A complete thought blinding,
Making everything so clear,
So real while lit.
I prefer to fight reality.
So turn those lights off
Start the water
Leave the door open
And wash away the thoughts
Let your mind go
And feel your problems rot.
Now grab a towel,
That was therapy enough,
But before you leave,
Don’t forget to flush. 

I can go five rounds
In a three round fight,
And I take four dogs
On my three dog night.

So I break the rules a little,
But who’s to say what’s right?
They said go to school,
But I say fuck it,
I just wanna sit down and write.
So I schedule my time around work,
But I work the morning and the night,
This makes free time very hard to find.
My stress frequently sees a new height,
And my free time never sees the light.

I wouldn’t mind a vacation.
Go on a cruise,
Some other exotic destination,
Or just go to Germany,
But that’s a one way trip.
I won’t be coming back,
So cover your quivering lip,
I’m leaving the land of the free,
And I’ll give you one last tip:
You should spend your life with me.
We could redesign the puzzle,
And put the pieces where we see fit. 

They say life is short,
So I say write a sequel.

Isn’t that an afterlife?

No.
It’s a prequel to the third life,
Religious prick.
I mean, come on,
Do you really think we have an afterlife?
Where would it take place?
Now you say:

Heaven.

Well Heaven must be pretty fucking huge.
Your turn:

Well I don’t know the exact dimensions…

No, of course you don’t.
I wonder if there is cavemen there,
Too many “there’s.”
And you say no,
Because cavemen weren’t religious.
How the fuck do you know that?
What if they were super religious,
And their God told them not to pursue technology.
So they didn’t,
And their Heaven is the real Heaven.
Everybody would be fucked,
Because no modern day Human
Will ever get into Caveman Heaven,
What with all of our technology and all. 

Coworker: you look like a deer in headlights
Me: deer don’t get head lice.

What’s eating Gilbert Grape?
20 hour days.
My ass is more than frayed.

Say goodbye to hoodies.
No more need for a sweater.
Put them back in the closet,
For the long hang.
They’re awaiting colder weather.
Call it a summer hibernation.
A nine month slumber.
It’s a good thing cloth is patient.
That’s too long for me to wait.
I’d have to take a vacation.
Fly out of the closet,
I’ll head to snowy peaks,
And with winter clothes packed,
I sense a snowboard at my feet.
I’ll exit the plane,
And climb on the lift.
A ride so new to my brain.
Why have I never done this?
I’m staying here forever;
I was just granted one wish. 

It resulted from a steady ritual
And in my case,
I became quite a skilled individual.
They told me to play with the fire,
And when they saw the look on my face,
They knew I was a good hire.
I showed a healthy interest,
And the desire to learn.
They told me not to worry,
That I would get burned.
Time did prove them right.
However,
I swore to my name,
That in said time,
I would master the flame,
Become the best on the line,
Treat the kitchen like a game,
And remain intact in the mind.

It worked out quite well.
I stayed true to my word.
Now I’m the best cook in Hell. 

What is fate?
Fate is great!
It means everything is preordained!
So you can do nothing,
But on track you’ll remain.
From sex
You can abstain,
But if you were meant to have kids,
Then you’ll find a Virgin Mary,
And she’ll pop out your baby!
You’ll be it’s father,
And people will call you God,
All while you do nothing.
Since the world is already created,
Described so in Genesis,
You’ll write your own chapter,
And you shall name it,
Nemesis.
It will be the tale of the end.
There will be no “happily ever after,”
For this is the last seven days of humanity.
Be sure to fill it with laughter! 

A spring loaded spring,
Quite a magnificent thing.
It gets double the spring!
It’s sure to bounce higher
Than any human being!
How much happiness
Can this spring really bring?
It can make you smile,
Even when you get a bee sting!! 

Call me crazy
I con’t care.
You’re the one
Who’s never there.
At your friends,
In the club,
It doesn’t even matter where.
You overlook your family,
And about that,
I surely do care.
We’ve a child to raise,
A fact you seem to forget.
You’re lucky I’m around,
As you’ve no one to baby sit.
You’re quite known about town,
Worthless mother, piece of shit.
Get your feet on solid ground,
Or I’m taking the baby,
And moving out.