Emotional dreams of an ex,
Woke up from the past
To start my day.
Memories mix with realities.
In a half sleep haze
I long for her touch,
All the times we had,
Such a nostalgic rush.
Questions of why,
As her image fades.
You’ve escaped my reality,
But in my dreams
You’ve stayed.
I hate starting out this way.
Soul mate?
More like temporary hole-mate.
Yeah I like hanging out with you,
But you don’t make me feel emotionally great.
We should just get married,
Hold that thought,
Put it on a forever long wait.
I don’t want to date,
I say marriage is like a myth
What the fuck are kids?
“Those things that need the bibs.”
Fuck that,
Drooling with the SIDS.
If we end up together,
You’re going to hate who you’re with.
I was born to singularly live.
I’m still here and still kickin’,
So come along
And join me in my mission.
What’s my mission?
Why thank you for the inquisition.
I’m here to live,
To love,
To keep on living and to hug.
Though I’m just a lowly scrub,
I’ve been given the luck of existence,
And man, that shit is like a drug.
A good drug,
And man,
Man I’m high as fuck.
I don’t care about much anymore.
I think back to when I did,
When I thought things made sense,
When I thought I had things figured out.
Looking back now,
I realize I never new shit.
I never had anything figured out,
Never knew what I really wanted to do.
I was always living for the day.
Looking back to then,
And thinking about now,
The only thing changed
Is knowing what I want to do,
I still live for the day,
Still do whatever I want.
I made it here,
I survived this long,
I realize I have no control over anything,
So…
I’m just going to live,
And keep making myself happy.
I’m a selfish dick.
But I’m pretty nice,
And happy.
It’s come to my attention that I’ve come to my attention. For years now I’ve been narrowly avoiding death and incarceration. Treating life as if it were never ending. Yesterday was my turning point.
My Mom texted me saying that we needed to talk, and that she gets off work in ten minutes. I told her I wasn’t working, and she could call me whenever. I figured she wanted to talk to me about money or something, I couldn’t really figure out the reasons before she called. When she called, she told me that my grandmother has breast cancer. Not what I expected. I would’ve much rather been having a financial conversation with my mother, one that does not involve the possible mortality of her mother.
Not five minutes after I hang up, my friend calls me. He’s a friend I drink with a lot, so I figured it was going to be something along those lines, it wasn’t. He called to tell me that one of the girls I had a crush on, but was too nervous to talk to because she was so beautiful, had committed suicide. Shot herself.
I’m 27 years old, in decent shape, and could do a lot more to ensure that I’ll be here a lot longer for the ones I love, and the ones I am loved by.
Getting older has its perks, but it comes with a lot of hardships. If you were unfortunate enough to get sucked into the lifestyle of your hometown, then you’re going to find it very hard to leave. But it’s what you need to do, especially if you’re just hopping from job to job and hanging out with friends every night. It’s what I’ve been doing for too long now, and I’m sick of it. I feel like all I do is work during the days, then get fucked up at night. On my days off I’m outside until it gets dark, and on my nights off all I do is write. If I didn’t have any days or nights off, I think I’d go insane, but I also think that’s true for anyone. I’ve had two articles published in Campus Talk now, and third on the way, and I’ve been asked to do two for June. In these articles I talk about how to keep moving, and how to stay interesting, and for the most part I do take my own advice, but as far as getting out of town, I need a kick in the ass. I’ve got opportunities to leave, but it’s just like I’d rather pass them by than take any of them. I’d rather sit here and wait for something to happen to me, which I don’t think is ever going to happen. So I’m hoping for a change real soon, and if that change doesn’t happen by the end of the year, I don’t think I’ll be in Gainesville anymore. Had to get this out, sorry it’s not that interesting.
Whilst walking into the sun,
I freed myself from burning clothes.
I looked back to earth,
And felt sorry for those still trapped,
Trapped on that dramatic planet,
Trapped on a planet of mostly water
Where alcohol is the only thing consumed,
And the water is strictly for polluting.
Upon entering the sun,
I felt my body turn to ash,
But my conscious remained,
My conscious and an immense power.
A power untamed,
nonetheless,
A power attained.
I focus my newfound power toward earth,
And find myself wishing I didn’t know it so well,
For maybe then,
I wouldn’t send it all to Hell.
Either way,
It never really had a chance.
The time was always counting down,
Long before we were ever aware.
I think I’ll boil the oceans,
Watch the final act,
And pretend we were never there.
I’m out of town on vacation right now visiting with family and everything, and I won’t be back until Wednesday night. Payday was today, or at least payday was formerly today (Monday). But, we now have a new GM working at our wonderfully corporate restaurant, and she claims that Tuesdays are paydays. I’ve worked at this restaurant for five years, and we have always gotten paid on Mondays. Our paychecks are always dated for Monday, because MONDAY is fucking PAYDAY. Monday is not Tuesday, therefore Tuesday cannot be payday, and who the FUCK, would want it to be.
Anyways, I call one of my good friends to see if she can go to the restaurant, pick up my check, and go to my bank and deposit it for me. She has a test and will be out at 10:30 in the morning, but she says she can do it after that. I’m delighted, so I call the restaurant to inform them that a nice young lady will be picking up my check for me. She has my permission to do so. because I am out of town, and in need of MY money.
I’m not starving on the streets away from town on some unplanned trip, I’m with my closest of family members outside of Atlanta. I’m a huge Braves fan, always have been, and it’s all because of my parents. My dad died when I was two, that leaves my mom, and I’d like to do something nice for her. We are right outside of Atlanta, and what did I say I was? And who did I say was to blame? Braves fan, moms fault. I’d like to get some Braves tickets because the last time we went to a game together was at least 15 years ago.
Phone call: Hi (manager (GM)), it’s Mike, I just wanted to see if it would be OK for Angela to pick up my check. I’m out of town right now, and could use a little extra money.
GM: You’re out of town?
me: Yes, (you dumb mother fucker, you approved the fucking vacation hours that you hold so dearly.) I’m on vacation in Atlanta.
GM: OK, that would be fine, but we won’t have the checks until tomorrow.
me: Oh, is it Sunday today? (I’ve been on vacation for a few days now, and have had no schedule whatsoever, so it could be Sunday)
GM: No
me: Thennnn, is it a holiday?
GM: No, we don’t get checks in until Tuesday.
me: OK, well I guess she’ll be in tomorrow to get it.
GM: OK. *click*
She’s new to our store as of about a month ago, and I’m not really sure what’s going on yet, so I don’t want to start screaming at this stranger for no reason because the checks could just be late. It hasn’t happened once in the past five years, but hey, neither has 9/11, and that happened.
I text Angela and tell her what happened. She’s just as confused as I am. Her fiance was working on the line while I was on the phone with my GM, and apparently as soon as I got off the phone with her, she went and asked him who I am. This is how I’m told the conversation went.
GM: Who’s Mike? (Are you fucking serious??? I run your line at night, I make sure shit doesn’t fall apart, and you don’t even know who the fuck I am?)
Shawn: Mike who? (There’s another Mike, but he’s a dishwasher, and I told her I was the Mike from the line when I was on the phone with her, even though you didn’t see it.)
GM: I don’t know, he said Angela was going to pick up his check and deposit it for him.
Shawn: Oh Mike Stanley
GM: Who’s that? (SDFLKALSDJG[OAWIBN.NO I WILL FUCKING KILL YOUUUUUU)
Shawn: He works at night.
GM: Well, tell Angela she can’t have his check until tomorrow.
So Shawn tells Angela this, Angela texts me, I’m fucking furious. I text one of our other managers to ask him what the fuck is going on. He says the checks are definitely there, and that I need to sign something in some book that I don’t give a fuck about right now because it’s completely fucking irrelevant. And then he says he doesn’t know what’s going on.
So meanwhile nearby Atlanta, I could be starving in my car at some gas station with no money to get home, and this fucking bitch is just like, nah, five years of loyalty means shit to me, you have to wait until tomorrow because I feel like being a megacunt because I’m a fucking MEGACUNT.
I have enough money in my bank account yet to afford Braves tickets, in shit seats. So I get the tickets I can afford, and we’re going tomorrow. And I’m super fucking excited, but extremely fucking furious at the same damn time, at the same damn time. I’ve been loyal to that company for five years, and not only loyal, I’ve been a phenomenal worker (most of the time). But all that doesn’t fucking matter.
I just wanted to get semi-decent seats for me and my mom, who used to get amazing seats for us when she was a single mother. I know she doesn’t care, it’s just something that I should’ve been able to do, and being a 27 year old, I should’ve been able to do it anyway, but that is a completely different story. Guess I’ll just have to wait until tomorrow.
P.S. I’m not going to literally kill anybody or do anything to harm anyone. Sarcasm is real.So admittedly I’ve had worse problems, I got offered an assistant kitchen manager position at a different restaurant than where I’m currently employed. I’m supposed to have a meeting with my manager at my current restaurant tomorrow, and I was going to ask him about taking on more responsibility, and about being the assistant kitchen manager. I just don’t know if I’d be happy at the new restaurant, but I know I’m not happy where I currently am. So, all reasoning says that it would be stupid not to accept the position at a different restaurant, especially if the pay is better. Tomorrow will be an important day for my financial decisions. To salary, or not to salary? That may be the stupidest question I’ve ever asked myself.
It’s kind of like letting go of everything you’ve ever known.
You’ll probably be lying on your back with your face up,
Staring at whatever ceiling you’ve allowed yourself to lie under,
Whether it be the sky, my number one choice,
Or simple white drop-ceiling tiles in a buzzing hospital,
When you take in that final breath,
Take it in with a smile,
Your time here is up,
And when you exhale,
Think of all the good memories you’ve acquired
Because they are now
Your only possessions, the only things that matter.
Now close your eyes,
And see where death takes you.
It all erupts,
And you’re just there.
It dawns on you what you are.
You probably won’t live to see another living creature from another world.
Still, the reality that you made it into existence is incomprehensible.
So you let your thoughts trail for the sake of staying sane.
Life is a game,
And the world is its stage.
Everybody dies,
No matter how well they play.
So just be happy,
And die another day.
I lay in bed
As my thoughts run wild.
I wonder what you’re dreaming about.
I wonder what you feel like for longer than a hug.
I wonder how scared you’d get,
If I told you how I really feel,
Told you I wanted your company
Before, during, and after every meal.
That if I had it my way,
I’d forget the world,
You would be my universe,
And I’d assist your expansion.
I wonder how repulsed you’d be
If you ever saw the real me.
If I ever told you how much I want you,
I wonder how fast you’d run away.
How quick the door to us would shut.
I’ve never been closer to telling you the truth.
But I know the consequences.
You’d retreat to a Mike-less life,
And I’ll kick myself,
Knowing it was the wrong time.
But I won’t take anything back,
These thoughts and feelings are mine.
It’s just that in the back of my mind,
I know if you wanted to hear any of this,
You’d be single.
I’ll hold it in as long as possible,
But it won’t stay in forever,
And when my secret gets out,
There will be stormy weather.
Either way,
I’ll weather the storm,
I just hope I’ll have somebody
to hold an umbrella for.
I wish we were both naked
With the covers half down
Both on the verge of sleep
You with your head on my chest
Focused on my every hearts beat
I’d have my arm around you
My fingers in your hair
Your hand on my stomach
Our legs intertwined
I’d never have trouble sleeping
If you could just be mine.
About Unnatural Mind
